How Parenthood Reveals Our Unhealed Wounds: Trauma, Triggers, and Transformation
Becoming a parent is often described as one of life’s most joyful experiences. But what many new parents aren’t prepared for is how profoundly parenthood shines a spotlight on your deepest wounds—the parts of yourself you thought you had healed, buried, or outrun.
If you struggle with patience, for example, parenthood will find a way to test it—like your toddler insisting they must tie their shoes while you’re already late for an appointment.
If you’re sensitive to noise or prone to overstimulation, try surviving the symphony of a dollar-store whistle echoing through your living room—courtesy of a birthday loot bag.
And if you carry childhood trauma, even if you’ve tucked it away or believed it no longer affects you, it will almost always show up again.
“I Thought I Dealt With This Already”: Why Trauma Resurfaces in Parenthood
As a therapist working with pregnant individuals and parents in Calgary, I often hear the same thing from clients:
💬 “I thought I had dealt with this.”
💬 “Why is it showing up now?”
The answer is: parenting is a mirror.
Children—especially babies and toddlers—bring up memories, emotions, and patterns that were formed long before you ever became a parent.
They may remind you of times when your own emotional needs were unmet, your feelings were invalidated, or your safety was compromised.
The Parenting We Received Impacts the Parenting We Give
Many of us were raised during a time when outdated and harmful parenting practices were the norm:
Physical punishment was used as discipline.
Time-outs were used to isolate children, often sending the message:
“Your emotions are too much. You’re too much. Figure it out—alone.”
Even if our caregivers did the best they could, many of us were left with the unspoken belief that having big emotions made us bad, or that we were unlovable when we needed the most support.
These childhood experiences don’t always disappear. They become the foundation for our emotional regulation, self-worth, and coping mechanisms—and they often resurface when we’re trying to parent in a different way than we were parented.
What Are the Signs Trauma Is Affecting Your Parenting?
Unprocessed trauma often shows up through:
Emotional overreactions or shutdowns
Feeling disconnected from your body or reality (dissociation)
Panic, shame, rage, or sudden waves of sadness
Flashbacks or intrusive thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere
Difficulty setting boundaries or tolerating your child’s distress
If these symptoms feel familiar, you are not alone, and your trauma is not your fault.
EMDR Therapy for Parenting Trauma
One of the most effective tools I use with parents is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
EMDR helps reduce the emotional charge of traumatic memories by using bilateral stimulation (like eye movements or buzzers) while revisiting and reprocessing experiences stored in the nervous system.
What’s especially helpful for parents is that:
You don’t have to say everything out loud
You stay in control of what you share
EMDR can be effective for both single events and complex, long-standing trauma
Even if EMDR doesn’t feel right for you, talking about your triggers with a therapist can create powerful shifts in your parenting, your relationships, and your ability to regulate your emotions.
You’re Trying to Teach Skills You Were Never Taught
Many millennial parents are trying to raise emotionally resilient children…
But no one taught us how to manage our own feelings first.
And now we’re expected to model emotional intelligence, boundaries, and gentle discipline—all while healing ourselves in the process.
The truth is: you don’t have to do it perfectly to do it differently.
You’re Not Failing—You’re Healing
Parenting doesn’t create our issues—it reveals them.
It gives us the opportunity to heal generational wounds and show up with more compassion for ourselves and our kids.
If this post resonated with you, I invite you to book a free 15-minute therapy consultation. I’ll help you explore your options—whether that means working with me or connecting you with a therapist who’s the right fit.
There is space for your story, your healing, and your growth.
💛 Yours in parenting,
Christie
Perinatal & Parenting Therapist | Calgary